Stop Hating and Start Listening.

Let’s not let those who seek to divide win.

I came to Scotland from Germany with my parents at just 4 years old. This would have been sometime in 1968. Think about this for a moment. In the late 60s / early 70s, the kids I went to school with could perhaps be forgiven for hating Germans. Many will have had older family members who fought in the second world war. Some will have had relatives who died in the war.

So, hating me for being German was culturally acceptable at the time and in that context. But was it okay? If nothing else, it represents proof that you can be white and still a victim of Xenophobia.

My German accent prevailed through most of my childhood, as did the bullying. At around 11 years old, the school I then went to thought it a great idea to send me to a speech therapist. We’ll get rid of that pesky German accent for you, so you won’t get bullied, they assured me. By today’s standards, wouldn’t that be called victim blaming, as they were fixing the victim instead of addressing the bullying behaviour?

It worked though, and the bullying mostly stopped.

My childhood experience really made me hate bullies. I still can’t stand them, even now many decades later. I grew up hating to see anyone picked on, just for being who they are. And I lived my youth in a time when most people seemed to think it normal to do exactly that.

I met a new friend when in my mid-teens, so late 1970s / early 1980s. He stayed in the same local area as me and would frequently visit. There isn’t anything unusual about this so far. Here’s the thing though. He was openly a post-op transexual. In those times, it would probably be fair to say that most people would have been at least confused by this. Many were openly hostile to him.

That some people don’t identify with the body they are born in was news to me at the time also. So, I was confused by it. But I wasn’t hostile, like so many others. I hate bullies remember? I even had neighbours come to my door demanding I didn’t let him in the building. I sent those neighbours packing of course and kept inviting my good friend around.

I had someone close to me come out as gay around that time also. I found myself unconcerned with their decision, but very concerned with their safety. Why? Because of the prevalence of violence towards gay people at the time. One of the reasons gay bars became a thing is because gay people didn’t feel safe going out at night. Gay bars provided venues where they could feel safe in their environment and enjoy a social time out without fear of prejudice, bullying or violence towards them.

Racism towards cultural end ethnic minorities was also routinely expressed and not many people gave it a second thought. The point is that in those times, there was a lot of prejudice that was considered culturally acceptable, and not many in my experience at the time seemed to care. And it wasn’t okay.

All this had to change and slowly over time, things did. Happily, the Western world and in particular the UK, has become much more tolerant of minority cultures than possibly at any time in history. I’ve seen massive change over the past several decades and it feels like we’ve arrived at a cultural shift in perspective. We’ve had equality laws for many years now, but it was always the cultural shift we needed to ensure lasting change.

However, the one major issue left for us at this time is the unfortunate and unnecessary politicisation of these cultural issues, which serves only to divide and alienate otherwise good people from each other. Legitimate concerns around safe spaces for women and girls, or fairness in sport, for example, are dismissed by activists as transphobia. While gender-affirming care is mocked by mostly conservatives as genital mutilation. None of this represents helpful dialogue or a solution to differences. It all just maintains the division.

Somewhere there lies a solution to these differences, where safe spaces are protected from those who would be abusers. Where children are provided with a balanced education and protected from premature gender transition procedures. But also, where trans people are fully respected for who they are and can feel free to just get on with their lives in peace and without prejudice or bigotry. These things are not mutually exclusive. But if everybody is hell-bent on hating everyone they disagree with; no solution will be found.

There are a minority of extremists on both sides who seem to think that if they push hard enough for long enough, their way will prevail. Whichever side of the political spectrum you happen to come from, I hope instead that you will consider my message as one of hope.

Let’s not let those who seek to divide win.

If we all stop fighting with each other long enough, we might just see that the only way forward is a willingness to listen as well as speak. To stop hating and start listening. Let’s all relearn how to agree to disagree while maintaining civil discourse. We might just surprise ourselves and come up with some new ideas and solutions.